Say 'No' and Be a 'Bad Mom'

A little toilet humor, some really poignant jokes making fun of “ourselves”, and one big message that “having it all” might be too much for most moms.

Movie Night for our Anniversary.

A few weeks ago, M and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary by sneaking out to a movie after the boys were in bed (and at my parents’ house). We have never been all that into sentimental gifts or big ticket mementos to signify our love for and commitment to each other. But relaxing with a few good laughs, especially on a $5 movie ticket Tuesday, always seems like a good idea.

I don’t watch a lot of movies or a ton of TV. But when I do, I definitely favor comedies. And a parody about moms like me with a resonating message was right up my alley.

Without giving away details, the previews make it pretty clear that three moms with different pedigrees have had enough of the rat race to appear perfect and always pulled together. They throw in the towel and the story ensues. Ultimately, the protagonists decide that there are so many reasons why better balance and a whole lot less perfection are better for everyone.

They just want “less”. Less responsibility, fewer commitments, less pressure and more reasonable expectations.

I couldn’t agree more.

Most of us (at least those reading this blog) are blessed with far more great opportunities than we have time or energy to pursue. We have opportunities and resources to pursue professional careers, care for fortunate families, and participate in all sorts of individual and family extracurricular activities. While we long to take advantage of all this tangible and intangible wealth, we can’t pursue all avenues without stretching ourselves too thin and, thus, be less than stellar on just about all fronts.

I more than recognize this is a “problem” we are lucky to have compared to so many others in the world. Nonetheless, it still causes undue stress and anxiety if we don’t take time to slow down and appreciate what we have.

Next time someone offers up another “great opportunity” to add to you to-do list, consider if it’s really important to you and something you genuinely want to do. If it just feels like another obligation, try saying no. I continue to work on mastering this skill. And while it feels a little uncomfortable at first, the reward of a more balanced and manageable daily grind far outweighs the weight of saying no from the beginning.

What are your strategies to limit your commitments and not stretch yourself too thin? I’d love to hear what works for you.